Vicki's Holiday
Sitting here my first morning back
From holidays realizing that 2 weeks ago i was in unfamiliar territory. Travelling with the inability to walk much, due to an injuries sustained 8 mths previous in a horse riding accident which left me with a rare injury to my hip (a repetitive type motion injury). Most of my walking is with a limp or sometimes dragging my foot and the feeling like I tennis ball lump ) caused from internal scaring) in my hip that constantly rubs when i walk causing inflammation and pain. Sometimes I think it’s all in my head sometimes the pain is so bad I feel sadness in my heart and a terrible realization that this could very well be my life now. If Doctors don’t know if it will get better, how am I suppose to know if I should fight the pain or accept my life. If the Doctors don’t know if walking will make the injury worse how am I suppose to deal or accept this. It’s this uncertainty that causes me the most grief.
I use forearm crutches to help yet often feel these hinder my ability, putting excess pressure on my shoulder ( that I also broke in accident) and my lower back that now due to my limp and way I stand gives me grief. The inability to carry things also , the needing to watch for holes in the ground and my newest revelation marble polished floors which makes you feel like your ice skating as the crutches slide on the floor. My crutches are bright pink (what on earth was I thinking) so if I wanted to blend in and have no one notice I was using crutches why on earth did I buy bright pink crutches. Pink crutches are a statement “hello I’m here”! Not excatly the statement I was aiming for.
I also purchased a wheelchair to take on holidays.
1st mistake was I should have practiced before taking it to the airport. I actually never even sat in it prior to the holiday I would stand and look at it and then
Fold it up and put it away. So getting to airport pulling it out of Car and sitting it was strange to say the least bit in my mind was How hard can this been !!!! So the car park was my first attempt at rolling. I weight lift heavy weight ( I was 12mths ago a national strongman competitor thinking nothing of lifting 150-200kg) so have upper body strength I bicycle ( 12 mths ago thinking nothing of cycling 100km) so surely I can manage a wheelchair. Famous words! I had no directional skills and the slightest incline felt like a mountain. Feeling like an episode in a comedy show as I pushed it up the incline and as I would
Release the wheel for another push i would slipped back down the hill. Boy! was I wishing for my bicycle gears at this point. Wow how you take walking for granted. I now am so amazed at those who use wheelchairs with such ease. Thinking 10 minutes into my holiday I would never have the ability to master it and maybe a mistake to go away.
Second mistake my wheelchair was cheap and flex's like it’s going to collapse at any moment and is probably a bit small for me ( although I have never sat in a high quality one so dont know if all chairs feels like this, i purchased this one of eBay) it folded it had a cushion (that I lost at our departing gate at the airport and I changed the tyres and handgrips to blue again why do I decide i need bright colors)
I decided that pushing the wheelchair like a walker rather than jumping in for a ride made me feel Less disabled. Pushing the wheelchair I’m Sure looks funny with many strange looks and probably bought more attention to myself then sitting in it and well it hurt my back, and my hip as I couldn’t take enough pressure off my leg. But I just wasn’t confident enough to maneuver myself or confident enough to proudly sit in it, or be pushed like an elderly wife being pushed by her devoted husband.
The few times on holidays I used the wheelchair which was usually in Museums was liberating. That was after I argued with my husband who took control and decided I needed to be pushed. He was darting me in and out of display areas I felt like I was on some type of ride. Once we had a little argument and agreed that I push myself unless i asked for help tension eased. I took over and with a little practice and a few light bulb moments of this is how to turn !
I managed and even found myself enjoying the museum. But it wasn’t long before I was back to pushing it like the walker when the place became populated and the crowds scared me, being waist height I found daunting too.
Our holiday was good although not the same as we were use to. I desperately wanted to bungee but was refused. I desperately wanted my “normal high speed adrenaline style” holiday but it wasn’t meant to be. I would watch people walk or run pass and wish it was me. But I did try my hardest to have a good normal holiday pushing myself as hard as I could to not let this injury interfere.
I did hire a mobility scooter at the zoo and after the first embarrassing moments i soon got the hang of it. That was until i almost ran through a fence forgetting forward and reverse. My husband watching me wondered where i was going in such a hurry. And of course with no damage to scooter, myself or fence we spent many hours laughing about it.
I know I should be so grateful that I am
Able to use different mobility aids to get around and I am not stuck to Just one option. And I realize how many people would just wish for flexibility in walking aid opportunities.
But I personally am still struggling with realization that this injury could possibly be permanent. I still have a long way to go if I need to accept this as my life now, I refused to be photographed in the wheelchair and only had a few photos of me walking with crutches, a personal reminder that in the future when I’m all better! I can look back and think wow i was gutsy and determined not to let this get in my way.
Vicki H.
From holidays realizing that 2 weeks ago i was in unfamiliar territory. Travelling with the inability to walk much, due to an injuries sustained 8 mths previous in a horse riding accident which left me with a rare injury to my hip (a repetitive type motion injury). Most of my walking is with a limp or sometimes dragging my foot and the feeling like I tennis ball lump ) caused from internal scaring) in my hip that constantly rubs when i walk causing inflammation and pain. Sometimes I think it’s all in my head sometimes the pain is so bad I feel sadness in my heart and a terrible realization that this could very well be my life now. If Doctors don’t know if it will get better, how am I suppose to know if I should fight the pain or accept my life. If the Doctors don’t know if walking will make the injury worse how am I suppose to deal or accept this. It’s this uncertainty that causes me the most grief.
I use forearm crutches to help yet often feel these hinder my ability, putting excess pressure on my shoulder ( that I also broke in accident) and my lower back that now due to my limp and way I stand gives me grief. The inability to carry things also , the needing to watch for holes in the ground and my newest revelation marble polished floors which makes you feel like your ice skating as the crutches slide on the floor. My crutches are bright pink (what on earth was I thinking) so if I wanted to blend in and have no one notice I was using crutches why on earth did I buy bright pink crutches. Pink crutches are a statement “hello I’m here”! Not excatly the statement I was aiming for.
I also purchased a wheelchair to take on holidays.
1st mistake was I should have practiced before taking it to the airport. I actually never even sat in it prior to the holiday I would stand and look at it and then
Fold it up and put it away. So getting to airport pulling it out of Car and sitting it was strange to say the least bit in my mind was How hard can this been !!!! So the car park was my first attempt at rolling. I weight lift heavy weight ( I was 12mths ago a national strongman competitor thinking nothing of lifting 150-200kg) so have upper body strength I bicycle ( 12 mths ago thinking nothing of cycling 100km) so surely I can manage a wheelchair. Famous words! I had no directional skills and the slightest incline felt like a mountain. Feeling like an episode in a comedy show as I pushed it up the incline and as I would
Release the wheel for another push i would slipped back down the hill. Boy! was I wishing for my bicycle gears at this point. Wow how you take walking for granted. I now am so amazed at those who use wheelchairs with such ease. Thinking 10 minutes into my holiday I would never have the ability to master it and maybe a mistake to go away.
Second mistake my wheelchair was cheap and flex's like it’s going to collapse at any moment and is probably a bit small for me ( although I have never sat in a high quality one so dont know if all chairs feels like this, i purchased this one of eBay) it folded it had a cushion (that I lost at our departing gate at the airport and I changed the tyres and handgrips to blue again why do I decide i need bright colors)
I decided that pushing the wheelchair like a walker rather than jumping in for a ride made me feel Less disabled. Pushing the wheelchair I’m Sure looks funny with many strange looks and probably bought more attention to myself then sitting in it and well it hurt my back, and my hip as I couldn’t take enough pressure off my leg. But I just wasn’t confident enough to maneuver myself or confident enough to proudly sit in it, or be pushed like an elderly wife being pushed by her devoted husband.
The few times on holidays I used the wheelchair which was usually in Museums was liberating. That was after I argued with my husband who took control and decided I needed to be pushed. He was darting me in and out of display areas I felt like I was on some type of ride. Once we had a little argument and agreed that I push myself unless i asked for help tension eased. I took over and with a little practice and a few light bulb moments of this is how to turn !
I managed and even found myself enjoying the museum. But it wasn’t long before I was back to pushing it like the walker when the place became populated and the crowds scared me, being waist height I found daunting too.
Our holiday was good although not the same as we were use to. I desperately wanted to bungee but was refused. I desperately wanted my “normal high speed adrenaline style” holiday but it wasn’t meant to be. I would watch people walk or run pass and wish it was me. But I did try my hardest to have a good normal holiday pushing myself as hard as I could to not let this injury interfere.
I did hire a mobility scooter at the zoo and after the first embarrassing moments i soon got the hang of it. That was until i almost ran through a fence forgetting forward and reverse. My husband watching me wondered where i was going in such a hurry. And of course with no damage to scooter, myself or fence we spent many hours laughing about it.
I know I should be so grateful that I am
Able to use different mobility aids to get around and I am not stuck to Just one option. And I realize how many people would just wish for flexibility in walking aid opportunities.
But I personally am still struggling with realization that this injury could possibly be permanent. I still have a long way to go if I need to accept this as my life now, I refused to be photographed in the wheelchair and only had a few photos of me walking with crutches, a personal reminder that in the future when I’m all better! I can look back and think wow i was gutsy and determined not to let this get in my way.
Vicki H.
