I continue to ponder the whole deal regarding closure. Clearly, we seek closure as a final stage of the grieving process. However, grieving doesn't really stop, there is no finality to it, there are waves. The waves seem to be huge breaker waves initially and, as time passes, they are smaller.
Our mother passed about six weeks ago. I was rationally and emotionally prepared for her death. She had been fighting disease for years. The last year of her life, well, she just ran out of energy. Just how much can a body take? As Popeye has said, "I've had all I can stands and I can't stands no more."
Mom didn't want a funeral or service. She donated her body to a medical school. In her very typical style, she wanted to have it done and move on right away. I was totally in agreement, I was prepared [I thought] and moving on. I got together with my dad and brothers immediately after her death in tribute to her and to have us unified and sharing our grief. OK, move on.
However, there was a push made for a service. I went along with the idea but was against it because it was going against mom's final request. If your last request isn't honored, what does that say? The day of the service arrived, the pastor picked out some comforting scripture verses, family and friends prayed, and we went out for lunch.
To my surprise, there was a new level of comfort that was experienced by myself and others I discussed it with. We were experiencing 'closure'. I'm not sure if this is the correct term, maybe it is. I have closed the door to the emotional room of the memories, lessons, and love that I keep for her. I can still open that door and visit any time. Perhaps sharing grief with the group helps to lighten the load and make it more manageable.
I think I have closure but I'm still wondering.............
Our mother passed about six weeks ago. I was rationally and emotionally prepared for her death. She had been fighting disease for years. The last year of her life, well, she just ran out of energy. Just how much can a body take? As Popeye has said, "I've had all I can stands and I can't stands no more."
Mom didn't want a funeral or service. She donated her body to a medical school. In her very typical style, she wanted to have it done and move on right away. I was totally in agreement, I was prepared [I thought] and moving on. I got together with my dad and brothers immediately after her death in tribute to her and to have us unified and sharing our grief. OK, move on.
However, there was a push made for a service. I went along with the idea but was against it because it was going against mom's final request. If your last request isn't honored, what does that say? The day of the service arrived, the pastor picked out some comforting scripture verses, family and friends prayed, and we went out for lunch.
To my surprise, there was a new level of comfort that was experienced by myself and others I discussed it with. We were experiencing 'closure'. I'm not sure if this is the correct term, maybe it is. I have closed the door to the emotional room of the memories, lessons, and love that I keep for her. I can still open that door and visit any time. Perhaps sharing grief with the group helps to lighten the load and make it more manageable.
I think I have closure but I'm still wondering.............
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